If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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