ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
