yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
