I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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