hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have feelings that need drinking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
