in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
