Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
