I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
