we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bring me that man meat
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
