By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
