Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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