Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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