Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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