we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
