a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
