I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
