Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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