I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
