I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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