chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
