I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i love accidental penises.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
