You're my little dorito
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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