His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
