omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
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I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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