If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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