YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
