i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is my gift to your gina
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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