i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
