I hate your face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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