"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
