i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
