drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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