I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
