so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
