I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize