my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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