I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
did i walk over a car last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
