my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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