I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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