I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
