it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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