We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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