Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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