she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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