Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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