Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
