I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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