We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
