he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
