In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Don't EVER smell your tampon
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
