i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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