You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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