The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
