All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
