and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
