But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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