i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
