We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
