I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
