look no pants
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
